Friday, 14 August 2009


Ahhhh! That is a large pig. Emma Cooper sent this picture, with the crypto-cheaty appendage, "Am I allowed to enter a pig that doesn't live in my garden for LIVESTOCK 2: BIGGEST FATTEST PIG? I am attaching a photo of Rodney, who lives on a local open farm." Yes, Emma, even the briefest of readings of PG Wodehouse suggests that for the giant pig category, all kinds of cheating and underhand skullduggery should be permitted. Speaking of books, have I mentioned that Emma has just published one?

Hmmm, update, Monday 17th Aug. 

Jane Owen just sent me this photo, along with a cryptic email suggesting she is not taking this competition entirely seriously. I hope that I have misread the tone. She says, "The flower and produce 007 hybrids as developed by William Boot and Jane Owen. These outstanding intelligence gatherers have already proved their worth. The latest 007 hybrid cross-border dossier includes information about fat pig feeding techniques as used by breeders in neighbouring Wooster. The Wooster fat pigs can be fuelled and herded into Emsworth in 3.6 seconds." I can hardly refrain from interpreting this as some sort of threat to my own prize pig, Esmerald, the Queen of the Suburbs. Sickening. Here are some of the images of intelligence gathering hybrids:

If you see any of these spy fruit in your own garden, beware! Jane Owen is a formidable enemy! Do not approach them, but report them at once to Emsworth HQ!

VP is using snaps of the same pigs that she was on about last year, so I'm tempted to disqualify on those grounds.... Hmm..... But anyway, she says, "There's more pigs than you can shake a stick at, so that makes them pretty heavyweight porkers in my view. This is just a fraction of all the 100+ pigs which were to be found in the streets of Bath last year. As you can see, they all got together for a very big party in the park last October."


Claire sent this pig... as she admits, "well sort of fat, but mostly ceramic".

No comments:

Post a Comment