Friday, 14 August 2009


They could be mixed. They could be of one type only. They must be perfect!! And on a doily! Or points will be deducted!!

PS I don't care what they told you in school a tomato is not a fruit for the purposes of this competition. 

So Mark Diacono demonstrates he understands the definition of a fruit. He says "a plate of 5 fruit. Not only that, 5 berries - strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, mulberries, wineberries." We consequently look forward to a River Cottage Fruit Growing book in the near future!!

He does add, though, "Firstly I realise there’s not plate, but I hoped you’d allow me to include a chair as the repository for said quintet. And secondly I hope you’ll allow me an unironed tea towel in place of a doily. In my defence it was Sunday night, the shops were shut and I didn’t want the fruit to spoil. To balance this out I’ve included a pair of each fruit. I hope the judging panel will look upon this kindly." Hmmph. Well, I will have to consult with the others, frankly. It doesn't say anything about teatowels in the RHS handbook.  

Ooh, but here's a challenger for the Otter Farm Fruit Platter! it's Blackpitts! With "A selection of fruit arranged minimally in the style of Christopher Bradley-Hole."

29th August, update 

Veg Plotting!!! Honestly!!! She writes: "Oops I did it again. Just like last year, I seem to have eaten my entry! They were rather scrummy plums - Victorias of course ;)"

And Victoria [corrected! Sorry!] sent these: "Here's my pathetic entry for the Plate of Fruit category. The blackberry variety is 'Oregon Thornless' which we chose because it has quite pretty leaves."

6th Sept Final Update

Simon swoops in at the last minute with these.... Will you look at those grapes! His account: "Allotment showoff 2: Plate of fruit - apples, plums, raspberries, blackberries, grapes. Also all off the plot today."

And Easygardener at Greenforks sent these, "The only two fruits I grow manage to grow without any help from me. Last year the pears mysteriously disappeared before picking. This year there was an electrified fence :-). "

Frances from Faire Gardens sent these, isn't it gorgeous? "A plate of figs with nasturtium blooms." Ah, for the climate of Tennessee! 

Vp back for one more go! "Here's a sneak preview of one of my entries for this year's allotment show. In the best traditions of fruit and veg exhibitors, I'm touting my stuff round more than one of them! These are my Scrumptious apples: that's their taste AND name :D"

MR Cleve West sent these, looking almost as pretty, ripened in deepest Teddington, as their Tennessee counterparts. 

And this from Frugilegus, who says, "Here's an entry for the jolly old show: Category Allotment (well, windowsill ,but hopefully it still counts) Showoff 2: Plate of fruit. Please note presence of both plate and doily, included as a mark of the respect I have for the judges and Emsworth rules. (hoping points don't get deducted for sycophancy...). I regret that it's not a very arty shot, but I didn't have time to fart about: the little alpine strawberries were pumping out their "eat-me" scent, and I had to comply." Teee heee.

One from Wisteria and Cow Parsley, "ALLOTMENT SHOWOFF 2: PLATE OF FRUIT I was hoping for lots of wonderful apples to display proudly, unfortunately the goats seem to have eaten all those that are reachable so I could find were a few apples, some elderberries, and a couple of greengages to offer. But they are on a lace doiley!". Hmmm. But they are in a basket.


  1. Hrrrumph - those raspberries are certainly Not According to Schedule (NAS), just like mine weren't at our local show last year!

    Not that I'm trying to influence the judges in any way, NAS probably earns double points according to Emsworth rules ;)

  2. Not being pedantic or nuffin' but that's not strictly 5 berries as the Strawberries are achenes and mulberries, raspberries and wineberries are compound drupelets. Think I can give you the blueberry!

    Just for the record ;-)

  3. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    I love botanists
    I still don't understand what a drupe is, and people have tried to explain it to me a LOT

  4. they all end in 'berry' so bog off. you botanists ruin a decent pud with your complicating witchcraft.

    (tis quite interesting though, trying to understand all that sciency stuff)

  5. Ahem. Those blackberries aren't mine. I'm still eating my plums!

  6. Sorry, VP, they're my compound drupelets, actually. I think Emma was trying to save me humiliation by putting them under someone else's name.

  7. PS: I've just realised there are six. Not only can I not grow fruit and veg, I can't even bloody count!

  8. I think you've got away with it Victoria, this category doeasn't say how many's needed in the title. If it did, I'd have to admit I scoffed 15 plums in one sitting!

    Oops - I just did ;)